Trust, patience, etc.
I'm tired of caring. Okay, not just caring but caring too much. I care about people too much and I think along the way, I've stopped caring about myself as much as I should. I would do anything to stop my friends from hurting. If I could take away their pain so they wouldn't have to feel that anymore but I can't and I have to accept that. Now I'm hurting and I have no idea who to turn to. I don't know where to go or what to do. I try to show people that I'm strong and that I know that I absolutely did the right thing but what do I do when I start doubting that? I don't know who will understand and sadly, I don't know who I really trust enough to let my guard down in front of like that. He was that one person I could talk to no matter what it was about or what time it was. If I called him at 3 am I knew that he would answer. How do I replace that? Who do I call at 3 am when I wake up crying? Do I find another guy or do I lean on my other friends? I'm so confused. I want to know why I wasn't good enough for him. I want to know how he could go from being so happy when he saw me to dating some other girl and "not knowing how to let me down." That's what he told me...that he's really bad at letting people down. That's his excuse for telling me. Lame excuse right? Completely. I want to be friends with him again...eventually...in the near future. But I don't know if that's going to happen. He hurt me too badly and I don't know when or if I'll ever be able to trust him again. I told him things I had never told anyone else. I trusted him hoping that he wouldn't hurt me like every other guy had. He did hurt me though. I have to move on. I need to find someone I really can trust not to hurt me. I think I deserve at least that. I know I'll find him eventually. I'm just getting a little impatient.
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