A Tangled Mess
Why the hell do I do this to myself? I let him get under my skin and then I get upset with him and myself. I hate myself for letting him do this to me and I hate him for actually being the one to do this to me. I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like nothing will be right again because everything is so screwed up right now. I've gotten my hopes up by thinking about all of those little things and then he does one more little thing that just overshadows all of the good little things. I'M TIRED OF IT. He doesn't deserve this much of my attention. Okay, maybe one guy does. But he doesn't realize that he does. I don't know how to forget the one guy and move on to this other one. I don't know how to let go and that is probably the hardest thing I've had to realize. He means so much to me and I don't know how to let go of that. Because like I've said, I care too much about people. That's just what I do. I can't just suddenly one day say "oh no, I don't care about him anymore" because it would be a lie. I just hate hurting like this. It's not fair to me. He makes me so mad I just want to yell. I don't yell at people. So how do I let him know how upset I am with him? I know people will tell me to just yell but I can't. I've never yelled at anyone...it's just not who I am. I'm just beyond tired of feeling like this. I deserve to be happy. So I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I'm angry/upset/sad/disappointed. I'm just a tangled mess of emotions right now.
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