Still Hurting
I'm looking at old pictures of us and it's kinda of breaking my heart. Our smiles and the way we leaned towards each other in all of them. Where did we go wrong? Was it because I didn't say something sooner? Or were you lying when you said you had feelings for me just so I wouldn't feel like an idiot for falling for you? You were my inspiration for almost two years. I hate that I can't find that inspiration in you any more. But I'm kind of glad that I'm finding that inspiration in myself now. I feel a little stronger since I let go of you. The only thing? I feel like we've lost that friendship over the last few months. I know we text every once in a while but it used to be so much more than that. We used to see each other at least twice a week. Now it's a miracle if we see each other once when I come home. I miss how I used to tell you everything and ask your advice on everything. I know I still can but it just doesn't feel the same. I've lost a lot of people in my life and I don't want you to be just another name on that list. I want you to be in my life for a long time...I just don't know if that's healthy for me right now. I'm trying to be even stronger and find myself right now. I know that has to happen before I can find him, the one I'm meant to be with for the rest of my life. I know he's out there, I have absolutely no doubt about that. I don't know how long it's going to take to find him but I will eventually. I thought once upon a time that you were him. You obviously weren't...and you warned me about that in your own way. I should have listened to you. I know you say you'll always be there for me but how am I supposed to believe that when I don't hear from you for weeks at a time? You hurt me...really bad. I don't think I have ever felt that much pain before. Of course, I had never felt so strongly about someone so that might explain it. But still...you hurt me. I haven't been able to get over that and I don't know what it's going to take for me to be able to. Eventually I will get over it but right now, I'm still hurting.
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