A Tangled Heart
Ok, he's a good guy...one of the best guys I know. So why am I surprised that I fell for him? I shouldn't be. He treats me well, knows exactly what to say,and makes me tremble at the slightest touch. He's the one I come home to see, the one who's smile drives me crazy, the one I worry about so much. It's been two years since I've felt this way about someone and I don't know how to react. My feelings for him have gotten a lot deeper and stronger over the last ten months. Something about him just keeps pulling me back. My heart is a tangled mess because I I don't need someone in my life who makes me worry so much. I know I need to be worrying about myself more right now. I also know that there are some great guys in my life who don't worry me nearly as much as he does. But how can I just push these feelings aside for someone I don't feel nearly as passionate about? Then again, what's the point in feeling like this when doesn't know/doesn't feel the same? I know there's a simple solution; I could just tell him. But how? How do I tell him that over the past ten months every phone call affects me more, every hug makes me feel safer than I ever have, and that every slight brush of his hand makes me tremble more? That's not something you just blurt out. I want him to know but I don't want to scare him off. Lately he's been the guy who isn't with one girl for a significant amount of time and I seriously doubt that I will be the one to change that. I know that I'll never know how he really feels until I tell him but last time I tried that...it bombed. I don't want to put a label on this, that's not my intent at all, but I just want to know. I don't want to be just another notch in his bedpost. I want to be something that means more to him. I want to be the one he looks forward to seeing, the one he doesn't want to let go of, the one who makes him see that true love does still exist. I'm not sure that will ever happen but a girl can dream right? I know he's hurting and I hate it. But I know he's coping with it in his own way. I guess I'm just not used to being this close to a guy...or at least not a guy like him. Right now I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. I like him and I want to be with him but I can't...not until he moves past this. I don't know how long that's going to take. So do I wait for him? Or do I find someone else? I just don't know. My heart is just a tangled web of feelings.
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