Heaven and hell
I don't want to think about him anymore. It hurts too much and makes me want to punch the wall. Why have I let him have this much power over me? I don't really understand myself sometimes. My heart is simply broken and I don't know how to handle it. I mentioned to one of my friends that a broken heart doesn't break even. He replied that it can be mended. I know a broken heart can be mended but how? How in the world am I supposed to feel something over than pain and bitterness after what happened? I know I'm supposed to trust God; that He will be the one to heal my heart but right now all I want to do is to just hurt and cry and let the pain subside on its own. I want to hit him. I want to make him regret ever meeting me. I want him to feel the same pain I'm feeling. The worst part about this? He knows the pain he inflicted because he's felt it before yet he did it anyway. How do I forgive him for that? I know we're always supposed to forgive, no matter what. That just doesn't seem possible right now though. I know forgiving him doesn't necessarily mean being friends with him again but even forgiving him seems next to impossible. I know it probably sounds like I'm rambling and complaining and whining but that's what I need to do right now. I'm back in Boone and as much as I love being here, I still feel alone. I still want someone there to hold me as I fall asleep. It's because of him that I feel like this. He took away that serenity I felt when I was with him. My little slice of heaven has been turned into a little piece of hell.
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