Soaring Heart Creations

I think I'm finally getting to the point where I can move on. I don't think I'll ever stop being angry with him. I mean, how can I? He took that trust I had put in him and completely betrayed it. He used my vulnerability to his advantage. I'm afraid he's ruined me for all other guys now. I don't know how to trust anymore. I hate that because I really do want to find the one guy I'm meant to be with but how can I do that when I can't even trust them? My brother told me "don't worry about the past. shit happens, people get pissed, situations are ALWAYS gonna be fucked up, and you WILL get disappointed. but know that when it comes down to it you are only with yourself forever. know you and be happy about it." I know he's right but it's hard to tell myself that when I'm still hurting this much. This situation also goes beyond me just being disappointed. I feel betrayed and hurt and angry. I'm not an angry person either...or at least I didn't used to be. I'm just so tired of this. I want to be myself again. I just feel like I'll never be normal again. There's so much more to this life than hurt and pain and betrayal. I should be happy and joyous that I've been blessed with the life I live. Even though this life can be crazy and messed up and tragic, it can also be beautiful and happy. I guess I just need to keep that in mind when I feel like I've been dealt a crappy hand. I'm the only one who knows myself completely and truly so really, I'm the only one who can make me happy in the end. I need to face him first though before I can completely move on. He needs to know everything.

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