Karma and demons
I think about it over and over again. He hurt me so bad that I cannot even begin to understand why he did what he did. I'm tired of hurting and I hate that I've let him have so much of an effect on me. I put up this front like I'm just angry at him when really I'm hurt. My heart is simply broken and I don't know how to put it back together. I know it takes time to stop hurting but it's been almost a month now since I found out. Shouldn't I be feeling in the least bit better? I think back on all of the good times we had and it makes it hurt even more. Did he know what was going to happen? Did he know he would end up hurting me? If he did, then why didn't he stop it? I want to smack him but at the same time I want to cry. Do I let this go or do I fight back? I know there's an argument for both sides. I just don't know which one is better. I could pull a Rory Gilmore and do a pro-con list for each but I don't have that much time on my hands and I'm way more impulsive than that. I definitely act before I think when it comes to him. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I do need to think about this more and really make sure I'm making the right decision. But then again, I have a tendency to over-think things and that just makes it more difficult to let go. Last night my mom told me that I just need to follow my first instinct. My first instict though is to hurt him as much as he hurt me. D told me that he'll get what's coming to him; I guess some people call that karma. What if I'm tired of waiting around for karma to bitch slap him? What if I want to be the one to do that? I know that I need to at least face him, in one way or another. I feel like I need to face my demons and he is one of them. I'm just not sure how to do that.
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